A Redcap speaks
by jarec
Summary: CHANGELING FIC At a Satyr discussion sessionparty , a Redcap decides to set the record straight


DISCLAIMER: I OWN ONLY THE PERIOD AT THE END OF THIS SENTENCE, SO DON'T YOU DARE USE IT

A RedCap's View of Things

_Transcribed from a most peculiar speech made at a local Satyr's last discussion session/ orgy._

HEY! HEY! HEY!

All right, listen up. My name's Thrak, and I'm a Redcap scholar. Yeah, we got scholars ya little Pooka brat, don't think I didn't see ya snicker. You and me'll talk more about this after I'm done.

I'm sick of all you pansy kith bad-talking my kind. You talk about how nasty and mean we are, how we dye our caps in blood, how we eat anything we can fit in our mouths, how we never stop fighting and all kindsa other stuff. Basically, you talk about us like we're monsters.

_ speaker interrupted by audience members laughing and talking _

SHUT UP!

_ Silence_

Awright, that's better. I ain't saying it ain't true, I'm saying its just part of who we are. Redcaps ARE monsters; always have been. Like all Kithain we were born from mortals dreams. Boggins come from dreams of home, Pooka from kiddy dreams, Satyrs…probably came from WET dreams, actually! HeheHAHAHA! But we Redcaps're different; we came from nightmares. When mortal's were sleeping in caves, the world musta seemed a downright scary place, where you could die at any second. Those fears carried over to their dreams, and so you got Redcaps. Yeah, we're mean, we're violent, we're sometimes just plain nasty, but that's only because that's the way the Dreaming made us! Ya might as well blame a Satyr for being horny or a Nocker for being a pain in the ass.

_ Muted chuckling, some quiet agreement with the last sentence _

All that bein' said it ain't like we don't do our part for the Dreaming. 'Til the Trolls came along we Redcaps ran the show, protecting the Satyrs and Pooka from nasty stuff. One of the oldest stories is how Redcap himself starte the hat-dying thing after he'd killed a whole buncha Mages for messing with some Pooka. As a sign of how tough they thought he was, the pooka made him a special hat, only one of 'em dropped it in a pool of blood. Redcap said that made it even better, 'cause it'd remind everyone what a badass he was.

The Trolls whupped us and took over most Seelie places, but we still ran the Unseelie court, and the whole shebang reversed itself in Winter. Things worked pretty good, too, 'til more fancy Kithain like Boggins, Sluagh, Eshu, and Nockers showed up. Took us awhile but we managed to set up places for 'em in both Courts, and again everything was A-OK.

We fought just as hard as the Trolls to keep the Kithain and the Dreaming safe. Y'all know the story of how Hungry-Mountain gobbled a whole pack of Fomori so they couldn't defile his Trod, or when Old Grim fought off the Kisayd Leeches from stealing a Pooka kids or how Skrag the Slaughterer scared the Hunter Volsen so bad he never spoke the word 'fairy' again in his life.

We were pretty happy. Since we ran the Unseelie courts, we ould fight as much as we wanted. The Trolls treated our Seelie kith pretty good. Gave 'em lots to eat and loadsa fights with nasties like Hunters, Fomori, demons, dragons, Leeches, Lupines and like that. They may not have liked us, but they respected us, and treated even our Unseelie boys as worthy enemies, to be beaten but honored. We felt the same for them. Still do.

Then the Sidhe came. They whupped the Trolls, which was a damn shame if you ask me. Big guys're ten times better than the royal pukes.

_ again, many sounds of agreement from the audience, some quite loud _

I SAID SHUT IT!

_ Silence _

Anyway we weren't thrilled with this, but whatever, it was Seelie court and not our problem. There were some of us in there, but even then we mostly stayed Unseelie. But the Sidhe weren't happy just running the Seelie court. Some liked Unseelie ideas, but of course they couldn't just be members of the courts. Oh, no, they figured we Unseelie needed their guidance desperately, so they came after us Redcaps to take our place on top. Now, the mistake they made was figuring that it'd be just like fightin' the Trolls. It wasn't. Trolls, I figure, are born from dreams of heroes. Heroes always fight fair, and play by the rules. But we Redcaps don't do that; we figure if you're in a scrap, WIN, and worry about how you did it later. Like I said, we've been monsters from day one.

So the Sidhe found themselves in a really nasty brawl. We didn't just take on their warriors, we went after those Sidhe nearby who weren't fighting yet. We ate our dead enemies and took no prisoners. Sidhe still beat us, but they were really pissed at 'mere Monsters' daring to do such things. So the second they win, they kill those of us who had been Seelie. Those Redcaps hadn't done anything, but I guess they figured Redcaps're Redcaps and safer dead. Still do. The Unseelie Redcaps weren't killed, but we were put down hard, to make sure we 'knew our place'. And in both courts, Sidhe started talking about how Redcaps're evil, Redcaps can't be trusted, Redcaps should be killed yadda-yadda-yadda.

And the Fae BOUGHT IT! Everyone seemed to forget the good stuff we'd done for 'em, and remembered only the bad. Trolls stopped letting our Seelie Redcaps fight, said they couldn't trust us not to run away! RUN AWAY! No Redcap had EVER run during a fight, unless he was chasing his enemy! Pooka stopped coming to us for help, and started saving their nastiest pranks for us. Satyrs stopped inviting us to their parties, said we grossed 'em out. By the way, Aerius, thanks for the invite, had a great time. Hope I haven't "grossed you out" too much? Bearing in mind that YOU started the belching contest?

_ At this point the Satyr host, Aerius, was heard to remark that Thrak had behaved "pretty damn well, much better than the Nockers" _

Yeah, those guys can kill a good time just lookin' at it. But back to what I was sayin'. You lot ignored every good turn we'd ever done you, all the good sides to Redcap nature. Still do. And it took you less than a hundred years to organize the first Seelie court Redcap Hunt. By the time the Sidhe ditched us for Arcadia, the Fae had become used to thinking of us as beasts.Talk about gratitude!

So, yeah. We're angry. We had it all and it got taken away, and now everyone hates us just for bein' what we are, what we always were. But we ain't bitter. Winter's coming again, and most fancy dreams're gonna fade. I figure Mortals'll always dream up enough nightmares and terrors to keep us Redcaps goin'. Likewise, people're always gonna be horny enough for Satyrs and kids'll always be stupid enough to make Pooka. So, I'll finish by saying this:

You lot can do what you please to dry and keep the Dreaming going. Have fun with that. 'Cause in the end, it'll be just like it was at the begjnning: Redcaps'll be running the show, with Satyrs and Pooka and maybe Boggins doin' their own thing with no rules to hold 'em back. Hope the rest of you enjoy the afterlife, 'cause we're gonna have a blast.

Awright, I'm done. Now, where's that snotnosed Pooka who laughed at me before? Ahh, there y'are! C'mere ya little kitty-puke, you and me got some things to talk about. Outside. Aerius thanks again, and if you're ever up my way drop me a line. C'mon, runt, stop squirming it ain't gonna hurt. Much…

_ For the record, the young Pooka known as Tra-La was never seen or heard from again. Thrak returned to the Unseelie court of Montreal, wearing a new pair of fur-lined boots. To date, no one has dared ask where he got them _

END

_AN: JUST SOMETHING THAT FLITTED INTO MY BRAIN_


End file.
